Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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