Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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