all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
