omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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