You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize