my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
