My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
