i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
