I looked at my own cervix.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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