I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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