I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
