And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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