A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
