Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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