i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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