Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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