i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
