If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
