He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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