the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
