Nicole vs. Life
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
