He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
