my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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