I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
