Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize