also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize