good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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