Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize