Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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