Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
