Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize