I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
