One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
