Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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