nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
