My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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