Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
