Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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