You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
