You can't motorboat a personality
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
