Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish you could order shots online.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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