i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
