apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
