she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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