just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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