just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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