No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he thought i was a dude.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
