somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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