Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize