Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
