Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So much rum. So many feels.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
