Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
