He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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