Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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