Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's get the cat blown out
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just puked most of my soul out..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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