Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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