Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
