My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
