Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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