i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
