You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
