I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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