belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
