Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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