I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
