can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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