What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
